the half of double two

THERE COMES A TIME IN LIFE

WHEN YOU HAVE TO LET GO OFF

ALL THE POINTLESS DRAMA

AND

THE PEOPLE WHO CREATE IT

battle;

I'm nobody's second option, you either CHOOSE ME or you lose me.

down down down;

TEMPORARILY DOWN.

missing in action.

YES.

i just couldn't find you.

i just couldn't contact you.

i just couldn't detect you.

Which part of the world you are right now?

The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.

pagi tadi kuliah macam biasa. bangun pagi tengok sisi kanan, katil kosong. rumet tak balik, stay kat rumah aunt dia. tapi tak ada hal punya, bukan tak biasa pun.

pergi kuliah feeling macam biasa. tapi rasa lesu masih ada. penat tak habis lagi. 3 hari 2 malam stay kat Sabah Tea Garden, Ranau. join Kem KeKAS anjuran Jabatan Alam Sekitar Negeri Sabah dan Petronas Carigali Sdn. Bhd Operasi Sabah. (sebut kena betul)

member member pun tak happening sangat. semua pun lesu. assembly tak ada, yang lain lain termasuk aku sekali buat aksi tidur cara sopan. muka sembam kat atas meja. janji dapat tidur. penat tak hilang lagi.

petang kuliah tak ada. lepak kat bilik, rasa macam tak tentu arah sampai sekarang. yang sekarang ni lagi la, dah tahap serabut. member pun hairan, awal sem dah nak serabut. benda ni yang tak best, tak tahu punca. lepas tu tak pasal pasal boleh migrain. isk.

encik tu kata tak baik nak makan ibuprofen sangat. buat salur darah jadi kembang, darah tak sampai kat otak. lepas tu nanti makan panadol pun dah tak ada effect. yes, betul sangat. sekarang ni panadol dah tak pakai. *sedar diri*

kerja ada je. tapi mood tak sampai lagi. nak paksa buat? member kata jangan layan sangat feel tu. tapi macam best pula kalau layan.

mood terumbang ambing, tak banyak cakap. rumet tak ada; lagi la tak bercakap.

nah.

The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.

The most handsome man may not complete his study.

The most highly favoured woman on your job may be unable to have children.

The richest woman you know, she’s got the car, the house, the clothes~ might be lonely.

So, love who you are.

Stop complaining about someone else's greener grass.

source

kemelut;

mungkin umur yang beranjak 'matang' ini harus digunakan dengan baik apabila buat sesuatu tindakan atau keputusan.

peringatan lagi sekali, kau tak hidup seorang diri di dunia ini. maka, kalau buat apa apa keputusan, sila fikirkan tentang hati dan perasaan orang lain juga.

semester ini semester yang sengat mencabar angka hidup aku. terlalu banyak pengorbanan, terlalu banyak pengabaian, terlalu banyak kesakitan.

ya, terlalu banyak pengorbanan. terlalu sukar untuk menerima bila pengorbanan kau tu seperti tiada nilai. di mana sebenarnya nilai pengorbanan? pada wang? pada kerisauan? pada kata kata? pada masa? atau pada kau?

terlalu banyak sakit. banyak sangat. bila kita buat keputusan yang terbaik untuk semua orang, bukan mudah. kita buat macam ni, orang perkatakan. kita buat macam tu pula, orang masih perkatakan? so tell me, keputusan macamana yang kamu perlukan untuk puaskan hati semua pihak.

dan akhirnya, aku yang sakit sendiri.

kau mungkin tak rasa semua ni. kau mungkin ambil mudah semua ini. sebab kau bukan macam aku. rasa sensitiviti itu tinggi. benda benda kecil tak boleh nak dipandang ringan. kena fikir pakai otak, bukan pakai kepala lutut.

oh, aku lupa yang pada faktanya, semua individu berbeza oleh kerana faktor latar belakang. mungkin latar belakang kau tak membina kehidupan kau untuk jadi sensitif pada benda benda kecil. mungkin bagi kau benda benda kecil ni, apa lah sangat. tapi kau jangan lupa, benda kecil yang kau remeh remeh kan ini la yang memulakan suatu kemelut yang besar.

sebab aku dah terlalu banyak pendam, aku hanya mampu suarakan di sini.

dan kalau kau rasa aku mengungkit, silakan rasa. dialu alukan.

p/s: kau rasa ini mencarut tak? c'mon la.

salah siapa?

kau pernah tak rasa yang kau tak punya siapa siapa di sekeliling kau?

ya, famili memang sentiasa ada. tapi bila kau jauh dari famili, kau harap kawan kawan la yang akan ada di sekeliling kau. kan? but then bila kawan kawan yang kau harapkan kau tu buang kau for only a small thing, kau rasa apa akan jadi?

apa pun, aku tak menyesal untuk keluarkan ayat itu dari mulut aku sendiri. dengan harapan mereka tu faham dan sedar diri for the sake apa yang kau kata. but then, diorang kata kau salah dan tak layak untuk kata macam tu. sebenarnya macamana nak kata supaya mereka tu sedar?

ok. apa kau rasa bila jadi macam ni? member kau buat something or function or whatever. then korang tak pergi atas alasan yang paling tak boleh diterima. walhal yang buat function tu is one of kawan baik kau? kau tak support kawan baik kau sendiri kan? then dengan selamba kau kata kau malas, nak pergi shopping la and nak pergi dating la. ya ya, aku tahu time tu semua orang sibuk. by then, kenapa kau tak support kawan baik kau sendiri? it's not fair la bagi aku. aku yang kategori 'tak disukai' oleh kawan rapat kau pula yang terpaksa datang untuk support sebab tak ada orang lagi yang nak datang. fair tak? tak kan?

aku sakit hati bila tahu kenapa korang yang 'bestfriend' dengan dia tu pula tak datang. yang dibenci ni juga terpaksa terhegeh hegeh nak pergi support kawan baik kau tu. betul, aku sangat rasa tak adil. kenapa mesti korang buat begitu? then bila aku kata aku tak puas hati kat korang, korang pulak kata kenapa aku yang terhegeh hegeh nak mempersoalkan. kau tahu kenapa? sebab aku tak puas hati. tak puas hati. kau faham tak?

kau tahu tak pasal benda je diorang dah tunjuk their true color. thank god, mungkin tuhan bagi ujian ni untuk aku supaya aku tahu siapa kawan siapa lawan. terpulang, apa nak jadi jadi lah.

they revealed their true color; i don't have to ask much more.

dare to move?

so many things happen. and i got so many stories to tell you, means that so many words to type, so many entries to post. but i'm sorry because i don't get the suitable time to start the stories. yeah, i know may be it is not a best stories to tell but that is the thing that i want to share with. to my faithful readers of this pity blog, thank you for reading me.

below are my to-do list in this few weeks:

1. update my TDPP folio and sumbit on this friday.

2. complete my Practical 6 report.

3. prepare a table for the duty and plan an activities for Perkhemahan Asas BSMM next week and

4. complete the SDP and PJ KKP.

5. type my reflection on PTPS subject.

6. have a blast on BIG next week.

*too much of broken english*

till then;

forget then forgot;

remember?

yesterday;

letting go is never easy, moving on is not a piece of cake.

but you just have to, especially when you're already hurting too much.

move on when you heart finally understands that

yesterday remains yesterday and

that will never be the same again.

the past;

maybe people don't leave because things are hard. they leave because it's no longer worth it.

if miracles happen;

IF YOU'RE READING THIS...

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE ALIVE.

IF THAT'S NOT SOMETHING TO REMEMBER ABOUT,

THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

i'm trying to not saying this, imy.

what i did right;

note to self;

if you lose, don't lost the lesson.

With Love,

tomoko

do we?

dia telah jaga saya dengan baik dan melepaskan saya dengan baik;

i hate those people who know NOTHING about me but talk about me as if they do.

hati yang kau tinggalkan;

isnin ini aku dah melangkah ke semester 4. cuti yang dah berlalu memang banyak merubah kehidupan aku.

konflik. luka, sakit; cukuplah. aku dah penat.

aku balik ke ip dengan kehidupan baru, jiwa baru. sebab cuti ni sangat melukakan jiwa aku.

Tuhan telah kuatkan hati aku untuk hadapi ujian ini.Alhamdulillah.

jodoh pertemuan di tangan Tuhan, Wallahualam.

take a risk and fly;

i hate waiting. but i don't know why i am still waiting; until now.

i guess there comes a point where you just have to stop trying because it hurts to much to hold on anymore.

when you wake up, i'm not there, no more;

am i right to thinking that my other half is you?

but why sometimes i feel that the other half is gone?

him.fullstop.

no way;

SOME OF US THINK HOLDING ON MAKES US STRONG,

BUT SOMETIMES IT IS LETTING GO.

because tonight will be the night that i will fall for you;

school holiday just started a few days ago. my campus started the holidays a week early than the other campus. and FYI, that make some of our friends got jealous. hikhikhik. meaning that we will have a month for holiday! that is cool man!

and now, i'm still at Kota Kinabalu. staying at the new apartment UA2. we have stayed here since Friday. last night, we have a kenduri doa selamat for this new apartment. it just fine, a small kenduri but i think it is good enough. =))

we are having a great statrted for the holiday. but it seems not really good for me because my sister BB is not around with us. i just hope that i'll be with her to go to Labuan sooner. InsyaAllah. and now, we are watching Alvin and the Chipmunks 2with Firdaus, Kici and KJ at this apartment. i'm not so into the movie, i thought.

for the sake of this relationship, i do not really like holiday. because our routine will be totally different and that make i only have a little time to be with him through the handphone; i mean messaging system. God, give me a strength for all this. how good if you know how much i miss you, baby.

p/s: i have slept and wake up alone for a few days; i hate that.

when you say you love me, i know you didn't mean it;

*sigh*